Aggressive Whimsy

Being whimsical gets your heart broken more often than not. Mourn the loss of your photographer/puppy wrangler/greeting card writer accordingly:

• snack
• listen to “French Navy” by Camera Obscura on loop
• put on your favorite brightly-colored dress and cry until your mascara runs
• watch When Harry Met Sally and make a collage inspired by the Sharper Image karaoke scene
• cut out the faces of male models from the J. Crew catalog and tape them over your ex-boyfriend’s face in all the pictures of you together
• sit in a coffee shop and look so sad and cute
• get a tattoo of a bird
• remove his last name from the Google Doc with all your favorite hipster baby name combinations

Having things makes us happy.  Here are some whimsical things to hoard:

• burlap tote bags
• owl pendants
• cat hair
• tutus/scarves/clip-on earrings
• Schilling spice tins
• painted gourds
• brass knuckles
• copies of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn
• records of artists you’ve never heard of and/or who died at least 30 years before you were born
• Popples
• Pocky
• tights
• preserved fruit
• sample-size Kiehl’s products
• locks of hair of boys you’ve kissed

Some Europeans are more whimsical than others. Take a reductionist view of the cultures of the following countries:

• France
• maybe England, but only until the Royal Wedding fever dies down

Make your annual trip to the gyno more whimsical:

• wear a fascinator in your pubes
• vajazzle a pony on your mons pubis
• bring your own knit-bombed speculum
• upcycle the hospital gown into a sundress and post an outfit pic from the exam table
• ask for a lollipop when you’re all cleaned up

Acceptable whimsical snacks:

• ants on a log
• milk and cookies
• ironic Lunchables
• berries
• macarons (minimum 3 at one sitting)
• pixie sticks
• pink candy-coated popcorn
• cotton candy
• frozen yogurt with weird Korean toppings
• peanut butter and banana sandwich
• cupcakes
• string cheese
• bubble tea